How to say No

 

     

There is this famous quote “If a lady says No, she means May be, if she says Maybe, it means Yes and if she says Yes, she is no lady. If a diplomat says yes, it means May be, if he says Maybe, it means No and if he says No, he is not a diplomat” since you are no diplomat, let us dwell upon a bigger problem of our times that is how to say No in most non offending and pleasant way. We do find ourselves many a times in a deadlock where No is the only answer yet we hesitate, flood of unpleasant consequences blurs our vision, cloud our judgement and stiffens our tongue. In fact, it is not your fault, we all have been brought up in an environment where positivity reigned supreme. Socially speaking we are the product of YES PAPA culture.

Let us discuss situations where the only answer you want to give is nothing but a mouthful of No No yet you find it so very difficult to say No point blank. Here are the ways you can say No in a least offending way:

1. Do not pick up call of favor seekers in first go. Seeing their name on phone screen you know it would be for seeking one favor or the other. So take your own time, later you may call back if the person is important enough or else let it be a good riddance. This is not ESCAPISM but this approach gives you pause to think/mull over the most appropriate answer. Why should favor seekers try their little game of catching you unaware/ unprepared.

2. Always say "let me see, I knew one person there earlier, he is no more there, since transferred out".

3. "If I ask them to do this, be sure the work will not be done, I am not in good terms with him. It is better not to put any ‘good word’ (read pressure) upon him. Would be of no use and is bound to give negative result"

4. "Oh! it was in our hands but no more now, last month only these powers have been shifted to HQ/different office". 

5. "I have already spoken/sought favor/recommended somebody else for this. Had you given me a ring/sounded me last week, I would have definitely could be of some assistance".

6. "Let me see what I can do, you are late"

7. "For these orders are any recommendations means sure shot rejection, if you still want me to put in a word I shall, but I thought being a friend I should sound you".

8. "I can not be a party to this; I am so sorry 1st time (even if it is 100th time) you have asked for something, I am not able to do. Why? I will explain later when we meet. I can’t tell you on phone".

9. "Sorry! I wish I could help, not possible at present please/in present case please"

10. "I can do it but it would cost me very dearly. I may get transferred also. (I know an officer who would say my salary is this much for your paltry salary I don’t want to lose my job of this much salary")

11. "My phone is being tapped by anti-corruption so please do not make such request I do not want you to land in any trouble due to talking to me nor would you like me to face any trouble"

12. "I will put in a word but I cannot guarantee whether the work will be done".

13. 'You better meet Mr. X he would be able to help you in this. He is the one dealing. I will put in a word after you have met".

14. "Not possible they do strictly as per 1st come 1st served basis/merit/seniority"

15. "It is already decided last week/last evening"

16. some people live and flourish under reflected glory. They have no credentials of their own to talk about, their only asset is that they are friends/related with you. Basically, it is nothing but name dropping. So to prove this, they would ring you. You wont know about the 'deal' being struck on your behalf/ in your name, so be cautious with such piggy riders. In such cases, better it is to call them both in your office and tell them No in no uncertain terms.

17. Some people would ring to tell you so and so is my close relative/friend and his 'small' work. Tell them a 'Big' No right in beginning.

18. Your efforts should be to say No at the first instance. This saves time and embarrassment at a later stage.

19. Tell them clearly that everything is On-line these days so not possible to tamper. Also under RTI it is impossible.

20. Some people just tell you a 'small' work on phone and feel 'free' don't let them feel free. Give them a job in return such as Get me fax of all the details duly signed, also copies of Aadhar/PAN card along with all related documents. Tell them for this job you will have to come to office when i tell you, till then, nothing can be done as you have to make entries in a register and sign. If nothing works at least tell them to remind you on a specific day/time. No reminder No work. 

In Hindi there is this saying "सखी से सूम भला, जो तुरत दे जवाब" meaning a miser is better who says No on face at the first instance than a rich friend who gives nothing but empty promises.

There is this hilarious joke. When a man visited his friend he was busy teaching his teenaged daughter, he asked his friend, Friend replied "my daughter is going on world tour, I am teaching her world languages", puzzled friend wondered “But this would be such a tough task learning world languages, there are so many of them” Man replied “No I am teaching just how to say 'No' in different languages”