There is this
famous quote “If a lady says No, she means May be, if she says Maybe, it means
Yes and if she says Yes, she is no lady. If a diplomat says yes, it means May
be, if he says Maybe, it means No and if he says No, he is not a diplomat”
since you are no diplomat, let us dwell upon a bigger problem of our times that
is how to say No in most non offending and pleasant way. We do find ourselves
many a times in a deadlock where No is the only answer yet we hesitate, flood
of unpleasant consequences blurs our vision, cloud our judgement and stiffens
our tongue. In fact, it is not your fault, we all have been brought up in an
environment where positivity reigned supreme. Socially speaking we are the
product of YES PAPA culture.
Let us discuss
situations where the only answer you want to give is nothing but a mouthful of
No No yet you find it so very difficult to say No point blank. Here are the
ways you can say No in a least offending way:
1. Do not pick up call of favor seekers in first go. Seeing their name on phone screen you know it would be for seeking one favor or the other. So take your own time, later you may call back if the person is important enough or else let it be a good riddance. This is not ESCAPISM but this approach gives you pause to think/mull over the most appropriate answer. Why should favor seekers try their little game of catching you unaware/ unprepared.
2. Always say "let me see, I knew one person there earlier, he is no more there, since transferred out".
3. "If I ask
them to do this, be sure the work will not be done, I am not in good terms with
him. It is better not to put any ‘good word’ (read pressure) upon him. Would be
of no use and is bound to give negative result"
4. "Oh! it was
in our hands but no more now, last month only these powers have been shifted to
HQ/different office".
5. "I have
already spoken/sought favor/recommended somebody else for this. Had you given
me a ring/sounded me last week, I would have definitely could be of some
assistance".
6. "Let me see
what I can do, you are late"
7. "For these
orders are any recommendations means sure shot rejection, if you still want me
to put in a word I shall, but I thought being a friend I should sound
you".
8. "I can not
be a party to this; I am so sorry 1st time (even if it is 100th time) you have
asked for something, I am not able to do. Why? I will explain later when we
meet. I can’t tell you on phone".
9. "Sorry! I
wish I could help, not possible at present please/in present case please"
10. "I can do
it but it would cost me very dearly. I may get transferred also. (I know an
officer who would say my salary is this much for your paltry salary I don’t
want to lose my job of this much salary")
11. "My phone
is being tapped by anti-corruption so please do not make such request I do not
want you to land in any trouble due to talking to me nor would you like me to
face any trouble"
12. "I will
put in a word but I cannot guarantee whether the work will be done".
13. 'You better
meet Mr. X he would be able to help you in this. He is the one dealing. I will
put in a word after you have met".
14. "Not
possible they do strictly as per 1st come 1st served
basis/merit/seniority"
15. "It is
already decided last week/last evening"
16. some people
live and flourish under reflected glory. They have no credentials of their own
to talk about, their only asset is that they are friends/related with you.
Basically, it is nothing but name dropping. So to prove this, they would ring
you. You wont know about the 'deal' being struck on your behalf/ in your name,
so be cautious with such piggy riders. In such cases, better it is to call them
both in your office and tell them No in no uncertain terms.
17. Some people
would ring to tell you so and so is my close relative/friend and his 'small'
work. Tell them a 'Big' No right in beginning.
18. Your efforts
should be to say No at the first instance. This saves time and embarrassment at
a later stage.
19. Tell them
clearly that everything is On-line these days so not possible to tamper. Also
under RTI it is impossible.
20. Some people
just tell you a 'small' work on phone and feel 'free' don't let them feel free.
Give them a job in return such as Get me fax of all the details duly signed,
also copies of Aadhar/PAN card along with all related documents. Tell them for
this job you will have to come to office when i tell you, till then, nothing
can be done as you have to make entries in a register and sign. If nothing
works at least tell them to remind you on a specific day/time. No reminder No
work.
In Hindi there is
this saying "सखी से सूम भला, जो
तुरत दे जवाब" meaning a
miser is better who says No on face at the first instance than a rich friend
who gives nothing but empty promises.
There is this
hilarious joke. When a man visited his friend he was busy teaching his teenaged
daughter, he asked his friend, Friend replied "my daughter is going on
world tour, I am teaching her world languages", puzzled friend wondered
“But this would be such a tough task learning world languages, there are so
many of them” Man replied “No I am teaching just how to say 'No' in different
languages”
