satire: My Ambition in Life

 

    

              Long gone are the days when youngsters wanted to become Doctor, Engineer or Teacher. My ambition in life is to become a Preacher, yes of the Baba variety. This choice I made not whimsically rather it is a well thought of considered decision. To begin with, I did think of a career as a doctor but it is too much of hassle and expensive proposition. That was the time when I was thinking of a career where not much of investment is required in terms of donation/capitation/tuition fee.  In fact, when asked about ambition in life, people do reply in terms of earning/income potential of a particular avocation. In my case, I was focusing on the spiritual and mental development of people at large. I was more worried or so I thought, in the well-being of the human race. In short, I wanted to be a Baba. I was much impressed with the life style and demagogue of the Babas. The funny thing is the field is never saturated unlike Doctor/Engineers. The pie is large enough, every Baba as per his ability to blah…blah. Some ingredients rather essential points which I have gathered observing babas all my life are enumerated hereunder for the guidance of wannabe youngsters and may well act as a lighthouse in the dark wild of this futile life and mortal world.

 

 

1.         Practice as much as possible to talk endlessly, unilaterally on slightest provocation on any subject under the sun. Don’t bother to sound coherent or logical. For this, talk to yourself when alone, mirror may or may not be in front of you. This is a pre-condition for anyone nurturing the desire to become a successful Baba

2.         Wear extremes i.e. either basic clothes or shiny/lustrous ones. May go for fluorescent jackets/kurtas. This is like your uniform to work. Maintain consistency in dress code. Always shiny things. Go for expensive fancy goggles, preferably, the ones studded with some shiny ’cheap’ stones to pass off as gems. Soon the genuine gems will come your way

3.         Wear no shoes/chappals. Every baba has some USP let yours be that you do not use any footwear. Remaining bare feet keeps you grounded, you can feel the mother earth and are constantly in communion with her

4.         Choose your favourite item as ‘Prasadam’ so that all the kiosks around your conglomeration are selling the same commodity. Remember, somewhere it is wine, clocks, locks. Similarly, besides edible Prasadam, you may like to have some other item as ‘offering’ e.g. it could be Egg desi, or pen or even a pair of shoes or a cap/belt or just an LED bulb. Maintain a robust supply chain in position simultaneously

5.         Mobility is a must. A baba should not stay at one place. Still water soon stinks. Chalk out your itinerary for at least next three months. Babas should always be on move. Life is all about motion, good or bad, tight or loose. This helps in creating a blanket of mist around your personality. Mist leads to mystery. Babagiri is all about mystery, waiting to be unraveled by you

6.         A baba should quote extensively from scriptures of different faiths. So better byheart a few. This gives impression that Baba is well-read, learned man. Also get a video made -- you with the World leaders, international film stars/sports persons. Photoshop/morphing will help you in this direction

7.         Keep beautiful English-speaking damsels around you and advertise that they are the millionaires of their country but have abandoned everything after enlightenment by baba.

8.         Do keep bouncers but not the gun toting ones in safari suits rather they should be present in disguise as your Param bhaktas in Kurta-Pajamas with forehead all embellished with sindoor/turmeric/Sandal as they please (some bouncers may be allergic to one paste or the other)

9.         Always travel in swanky costly cars. They are, now a days, available on rent.

10.      Do discourage devotees coming closer to touch your feet/robe/hand. Say all human are equal. The only difference is the level of enlightenment. Here you are, to elevate them to the seventh sky. You are there, not to just awaken the kundalini of a bhakt rather his/her entire being will be elevated to a vacuum/level where wealth/property/carnal desires become zero, superfluous. These are the traps which prevent the ‘milan’ of ‘atma; to ‘Parmatma’