satire: Call Bell -a colonial relic

 

According to a recent report, Hon’ble Netaji has issued a decree. The office call bell should be removed from the officers’ chamber. Reason? the bell is a symbol of colonial past. We are living in a democracy. So now while you may have your peon/MTS   you may call him on his cell-phone and request what you want. This will be the last nail in the coffin of colonialism. Did you know death of colonialism was so easy, by just removing call bell from office. How easy you have made its death sir.

 

The domestic grinding mill of grains/spices etc. In household lingo it is called Ghar-Ghanti. So now next item on Netaji's ‘TO DO’ list is call-bell of your chamber.  

 

It is said that Mughal emperor Jahangir had put a bell in his palace and the end of the rope was hung to enable aggrieved person to ring the bell to attract the attention of the emperor seeking his audience. But now the grievance cannot be heard. How will you listen? even if you want to. Office and its files are inseparable. Who will carry files from one desk to another if there is no bell. As far as cell phones are concerned, that also will ring a bell only. 

 

When all the data was digitized in an office, a grand computer section for its maintenance was inaugurated by Netaji with great fanfare and explained how now all the record will be available with a click of a mouse. But he forgot his own staff has doubled their rate of facilitation fee (bribe) reason-- "Earlier it was in our hands, now everything is in the computer room, where the entry is highly restricted. Even the guys working there can only get in after removing their shoes.

 

Instead of removing call-bell better would have been to make seating arrangement of the peon inside along with Saheb. That would have been real socialism. The only hazard is visitors would have mistakenly taken peon to be the Saheb and vice-versa. This would have been a great motivational positive stroke to peon.   

 

It could have been better if a Jahangir type bell was placed in the chamber of senior executives, rope hanging out from the window, so that the complainant could ring the bell. I have given you the idea, you may suggest it as your ‘own suggestion’   in your next Monday meeting of Kayakalp (transformation) group.

  

By the way, rarely peons are found in their seat. How many times have I seen officers making their own tea/coffee. One peon's bell is seldom heeded by another peon. Not only does his seniority come in way, but the officer who is ringing the bell! His seniority also counts. In fact, a peon's hearing ability is programmed to listen to the frequency/wavelength of his Saab’s bell only. 

 

If you think, these little superficial steps would make you immortal in the annals of Ministry’s history, you are sadly mistaken. However, you can console yourself that since 1853 none of your predecessors ever thought of it. Why? Because this herculean feat was to be done by you. Generations to come would not believe that there was a Minister who had such an eye for detail and could bring about a bell-less ‘silent’ revolution. Revolutions do not take place without sacrifice. In this case it was you who first removed his own call-bell. You have set the benchmark. Others are sulking as to what to do to be in your good books. What to remove? To be great, immortal and written about in red letters in Administrative History. Few are mulling whether to remove carpet or chair-table or sofa or all of these colonial symbols of slavery. These are tools of Western luxury. Public servants should lead a simple life coupled with high thoughts.

 

Now it may also mean no call-bells, only costly branded attire clad Liaison agents with hi-fi English accent. You know? They do not need call-bells rather the mandarins, however, high & Mighty they may be are at the beck and call of the Principal Employers of these Liaison Agents.