TOMATO ---A VEGETABLE OR FRUIT ? --- a curtain raiser

 

(A dig at the frivolous t.v. programs)         

Today, the greatest mystery of this century will be revealed. Don’t you go anywhere? Your eyes won’t believe what they see. Your tomato will sink. I beg your pardon; your heart will sink. Your jaw is bound to fall. Coming shortly, only on your Veg India channel. The most sensational expose of this century will be opened in a short while from now. Stand by, don’t go away. We will be back.


Our experts' panel strongly recommends, you finish off your dinner early tonight for uninterrupted viewing of this never before program. You dare not eat tomato tonight. It’s The Day of Judgment. Today, it will be decided, once for all, whether tomato is a fruit or vegetable. We, with our cameraman will take you to those dark narrow alleys, where no man has gone before. Today we bring to light this mystery. Some of the pictures may be disturbing. If you are hyper sensitive, in case you possess a feeble heart, in case you have a history of heart ailments, we strongly advise you against viewing our program about to be followed shortly. Today tomato's very existence is at stake. You decide for yourself. Should we continue to be misled about the 'family' tomato comes from? How long shall you remain in dark? No. Not any more. Veg India channel will show you exclusive footage. Keep watching. Don’t you touch the remote for otherwise you shall never come to know the 'designs' of all those who kept it as a closely guarded secret for all these centuries. See you shortly, at the other side of the break. Twenty first century will be tomato's century. Keep watching. Don’t go away. We will be back. You must be curious; after all, tomato is vegetable or fruit? Our Veg India t.v. channel will show you a breathtaking climax, first time in the history of vegetables and fruits. A truth which will make your hair stand at edge. You will refuse to believe what we are going to show you. How and when this 'swap' took place that not only poor tomato but entire nation, entire society and why society alone, entire human race was successfully puzzled and put on the horns of dilemma whether tomato is a vegetable or fruit. But you don’t go anywhere. We ourselves with our team of experts came face to face with untold dangers and life threats in finding out the truth whether tomato is a fruit or vegetable. You dare not change the channel. If you have tomatoes in your house, please do not, we repeat, do not go anywhere near it. We do not know which tomato may choose to trigger off heart rending explosion, they are the 'live' tomato bombs ,the pant up injustice, suffocation prevalent among tomatoes has come to such an impasse that this deadlock if not diffused now shall again be relegated to unsolved mysteries of the human kind. But you need not worry. We are here to bring latest, we bring to you the issues relevant to you .the poor public. Watch out, your kitchen may just become the victim of massive destruction due to the explosive of frustration simmering among tomatoes since centuries. Witness this heinous conspiracy, the most respectable faces of society will be unmasked today, which was that defining moment , that turning point in the life of both, tomato and the mankind that the true identity of tomato was buried in the shroud of mystery forever. Who were the men, part of that conspiracy and what was their vested interest that the entire human race has been duped. Your favorite Veg India channel fearlessly brings to you this exclusive report. See you after the break.


We are led to believe that tomato was always homeless, nameless orphan. Is it true that status of tomato was always on tenterhooks? Is it not part of a bigger feudal conspiracy that poor tomato has been pushed to this position of non-entity? What could be more pathetic than to mercilessly snatch away ones real identity and leave in this world to wander from mandi to mandi, farm to farm and countryside to countryside. Remember the excessive production of tomato, sharp decline in its prices and suicide of farmers these are not three separate incidents, Even most naive and gullible wont believe it. The fact is, all these three seemingly distinct incidents are interwoven, part of the same saga of human exploitation. We bring to you this 3D story. Our team has tirelessly worked day in day out in most appalling conditions, in the midst of hazards, jeopardising their life, from the backlanes of Daryaganj, Murad Nagar, Kalyan mandis to far flung chikmangloor,Laatur and the Jamuna bridge. Remember, your own favorite veg India channel goes to the bottom of the truth. To DISCOVER, truth we wander from jungle to jungle, village to village. If we don’t get to lay our hands on truth there, then we, just for the sake of our beloved viewers do not hesitate to . . INVENT the Truth. All for you, our loyal viewers.


You have an inalienable Right to know the truth and as always, we bring it to you. Do you think after our full report tonight, tomato would be safe and able to lead normal life. Would YOU be safe from tomato henceforth? Would you be able to see in the eyes of tomato after centuries of discrimination? SMS us your reply, pick up your mobile, go to message box and type write V if you feel its vegetable and F if you think its fruit and send on 420840 immediately, the first fifty entries will get one years tomato supply free at their doorstep by Bebo or Billo (for that, a separate SMS competition will be there, next Saturday, same time, same channel. on your favorite Veg india.


First time in the history of tomato, we bring to you the opinion and the ideology about tomato as expressed by principal political parties:


A: Tomato is the carrier of socialism. Whether it’s a vegetable or fruit depends on with which party we have an alliance at a given time. We are staunch protagonist of tomatoism.


B: It’s a fruit that too a bourgeois fruit. Though in China, Russia and Cuba it enjoys the status of a vegetable, that is because power is in the hands of we the proletariats there.


C: Tomato is neither a vegetable nor a fruit, its exorbitant prices indicate, its a weapon in the hands of MANUWADIs so that DALITS could be deprived of partaking any.


D: Tomato is a fruit that too a Hindu fruit. There are sufficient evidence found in Ramsetu and Ayodhya which unflinchingly prove that tomato was favorite of Sri Ram. In fact he spent all his 14 years of exile, eating tomatoes only.
E: Tomato is a vegetable, just like every voter is a vegetable. We discovered it first, Remember, pair of oxen was our symbol. Rest anyone calling tomato a fruit, is anti-national.


Don’t go anywhere; we will definitely uncover the secret, hitherto, well-kept. Keep sending your SMSes to us. Don’t delay. Don’t forget, this is your last chance to get your tomatoes home-delivered that too by Bebo or Billo. What are you waiting for? Don’t just sit there like a tomato.