satire: Court-Orders- How Are You, Darling?

  

When this matrimonial-cum-domestic dispute case reached the court, His Lordship decided to act Cupid for the day. In a rare moment of judicial creativity, he didn’t send the couple for counselling, but simply back home — with one divine command: “The husband shall, without fail, every evening after return from office would lovingly ask his wife ‘How are you, darling?’  before doing anything else,

 

So far, the executive or the legislature has been providing us with national amusement. Now, our courts too deserve some credit for amusement. The judiciary refuses to lag behind in bringing smiles to our faces. They understand how badly we, the common people, need laughter therapy in our daily circus called life.

 

Apparently, this particular husband-and-wife duo had been living in a full-blown domestic warzone. The wife complained, “He lives in his own world. Doesn’t care about me. Never talks unless he’s drunk — and then also only to fight!” The husband, on the other hand, looked like a man who’d rather wrestle a bear than have another conversation with his spouse. Divorce was the only common objective they shared. A complete case of “domestic un-bliss.”

 

You see, these days marriages happen at the speed of a swipe — and divorces, well!  faster than food delivery. Gone are the days when couples said, “Let’s adjust.” Now it’s more like, “Let’s call the lawyer.” Either someone ends up in blue drum duly cast in cement or someone just falls off a cliff in Shillong — love stories turning crime thrillers.

 

But this judge, bless his wisdom, decided to apply a very Indian solution: emotional jugaad. No long lectures, no sermons. Just one order: every day after work, the husband must on entry at home and chant the sacred mantra, “How are you, darling?” Loudly, clearly, and with full devotion. Thereafter, only he should keep his briefcase, remove his shoes later, but the first act upon entering his home must be to check on his ‘darling’s wellbeing’

 

Everyone’s hopeful that this “mantra” might just lead to miracle. After all, didn’t that old dacoit find salvation after accidentally chanting ‘Rama’ instead of ‘Mara’ Maybe this poor man too will discover domestic bliss by chanting “How are you, darling?” every evening.

 

Of course, tone matters. The court has not permitted any sarcastic versions of the phrase. You can’t say it through clenched teeth or with flaring nostrils like you’re hurling an abuse. Nor can you mumble it under your breath like a man uttering his last prayer. It must be said as if your world depends on it - sweetly, audibly, and with enough sugar to cause a diabetic reaction. 

 

Because this is crucial our wife might be surrounded by her friends. She could be at her kitty party, and you must still perform your court-ordered duty, loudly and lovingly, for all to hear. You never know when one of those ladies might be called as a witness: “Your Lordship, on so and so evening he didn’t ask ‘How are you, darling?” And then, who knows, the Me Lord might give him a longer sentence — literally!

 

So, gentlemen, take this as divine advice. Chant your personal mantra with sincerity: “How are you, darling? How are you, darling?” Repeat it daily, faithfully meaning every word. This is your personalized mantra-your key to domestic bliss. Who knows a happy marriage, like enlightenment, might just be one court order away. Where are you rushing to? I see to ask her- How are you darling? Do not forget she is your BEST half and you are merely a REST half.