So, here’s a gem from the wonderland
that is India— You’ve heard of doctors performing miracles, right? Well, ours
performed a miracle of another level. The man had a fracture in his LEFT LEG.
The doctor, full of confidence and surgical enthusiasm, went ahead and operated
on his RIGHT one. Later, perhaps after the anesthesia wore off — for both the
patient and the doctor — realization struck. Dr. quipped sounding sufficiently
philosophical “Oh I see! the fracture was in the other leg!”
Now, don’t make a fuss. Such small
things happen in big cities, Senorita! Look at the bright side — at least the
operation was done on the same person! Imagine if the good doctor had decided
to experiment on someone entirely different. Also, think of it as preventive
maintenance — the man is fracture-prone, so the doctor just secured the other
leg in advance. It’s like Indian Railways — whenever there’s an accident on one
track, the first thing they do is secure the other parallel line. Brilliant
foresight, really.
How does this even happen, you ask?
Don’t. Instead, ask how things that go right happen? Well! You see God is
Indian. If God exists anywhere He
definitely resides in India — running the system personally, because nothing
else explains it. Here, the lame climb mountains and the blind drive buses, all
by divine intervention.
We’ve moved far beyond the days when
doctors used to leave towels and scissors inside patients’ stomachs. People
used to joke that at least the next surgery would be quicker — “Just open him
up, everything’s already inside!” Efficiency, Indian style.
Here, when a patient dies, it’s not
called medical negligence— it’s called fate. ‘His time had come’ people say.
The doctor remains immune, both legally and spiritually. And thanks to his
divine being, next to Godliness our doctors now keep patients on ventilators
for weeks, meters ticking like parking machines, because why not let the bill
be ‘alive’ even if the body doesn’t?
Doctors here are considered gods. And
tell me, does God ever make mistakes? Even if something goes a little wrong, we
say, ‘It was the Lord’s will’ Maybe there’s hidden good in it — perhaps the
wrong leg will never fracture now!
Among the noblest professions,
medicine and education have turned into the most profitable businesses. Both
now come with glossy brochures and seasonal discounts. Profit is no longer a
dirty word. ‘So long! You’re sick, I’m fine’ — that’s the new national medical
motto.
We’ve reached a point where instead of
five grueling years medical degrees are being palmed off in one-year, faster
than fast food. People fly abroad, come back as doctors, and start cutting —
ahem! curing — immediately. Meanwhile, the Supreme Court heard a case that in
our great country, half the lawyers have fake degrees. When the court asked the
government to investigate each and every case of fake degree the reply was
classic: ‘We don’t have enough manpower’ So, they decided to do a SAMPLE CHECK.
And guess what — the honest ones were the first to be checked! My uncle, who
actually burned midnight oil to earn his Law degree, has been investigated
thrice.
The bigger tragedy is that in society
we’ve run out of role models. Politicians? Please! Public figures? Vanished. In
their place, we now worship successful businessmen and fake silver-screen
heroes. Being rich is no longer just a goal — it’s a religion. And once that
becomes the highest virtue, the line between hook and crook is blurred.
Where will this race end? Nobody
knows. Till then, quietly get both your legs operated. Don’t shout too much —
or a committee of inquiry will be set up. Here, we should first have an inquiry
into how many inquiries are still pending. By the time, a report sees light of
the day, people have forgotten what it was all about — because something of
graver nature has already happened.
Welcome to the era of confusion. If
you succeed in keeping your dignity and both legs intact, consider that a
massive personal achievement.
Best of luck — and watch your step.
Literally.
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