satire: Lonely Grandma and Friendly Police

 

So, I recently read this unbelievable story from some foreign land. An 87-year-old woman called her local police station. She said she was hungry, all alone, and couldn’t cook for herself anymore. Within minutes, two police officers showed up at her house — not to interrogate her, not to take a bribe, not to ask for documents — but to cook dinner for her. They whipped up a meal, ate with her, gave her company, laughed, chatted, made her day.

 

And ever since, one question keeps bouncing in my head like a restless cricket ball: Could something like this ever happen in my country?

 

Let’s be honest. First of all — how on earth is this woman even alive, living all alone at 87? Where are her relatives? Where are her caring children, her loving grandchildren, her ever-helpful neighbors? Is she rich or poor? And if she is rich, how come no scammer from Jaamtara has discovered her yet? What about all those offline crooks — thieves, burglars, conmen? Have they all taken voluntary retirement?

 

In our land, an old lady with property living alone is like a pigeon sitting calmly among cats. If you’ve got a house, a pension, or even a gold chain, there will always be a long queue of people eager to help reduce your loneliness — usually by reducing your assets/bank balance first.

 

There’s a saying that perfectly fits our situation:

 

Widow, bull, stairs, or monk

Escape them all if you want to enjoy Kashi

 

And honestly, if you manage to survive your own family, you don’t need enlightenment — you’ve already achieved it. So, if this grandma has somehow survived indifference of her son, cold shouldering daughter-in-law, and the entire extended family, she shouldn’t celebrate just yet. Remember! that case from Mumbai? A teenager killed his grandmother just because whenever she came to visit, her arrangement to stay was made in his room. Apparently, her very existence was an intrusion upon teenager’s privacy. Imagine explaining that in heaven.

 

And then comes the biggest player in our game — the police. In that foreign country, they cooked dinner for the old lady. In ours? Well, our police are also very helpful. Their official motto practically says it all:

‘Always with you… for whatever needs to be taken from you’

Whether it’s your wallet, your patience, or your will to live — they’ve got you covered comprehensively. So yes, the story of the lonely old lady and the good Samaritan policemen make for a heart-warming headline could happen in some other land only. But here, before the poor woman could even dial the police, a dozen relatives would already be at her door — half pretending to care, half calculating the value of assets/ property.

 

Because in our beloved homeland, loneliness is a luxury. No one will let you be truly alone — not your family, not the neighbors, not even the system. Someone will always find you. And if they can’t find you to love, they’ll find you to loot. Gotcha!