satire: From ‘Shri Delhi’ to ‘New Delhi ji’

 

 

Changing city’s names is our national hobby. Whenever people aren’t looking, few hyper-aware citizens sneak out at midnight and paint over the old signboards. Delhi itself has been built, destroyed, and rebuilt so many times that even it must have forgotten its original name. Once upon a time there was Curzon Road — now it’s Kasturba Gandhi Marg. Kitchener Road? That became Sardar Patel Marg. Harding Bridge turned into Tilak Bridge, Minto Bridge into Shivaji Bridge. Such an economical way to show patriotism! No expenses, no sweat — just a few strokes of ink and voilà! duty done. This is our unique Indian way of honoring great leaders: if changing a name brings happiness, why bother with actual development? After all, construction costs money, and quality is a feature we can’t afford.

 

You must have seen our bridges. Their lifespan rivals that of monsoon mosquitoes — two months if we’re lucky, two years if we’re blessed. We’re a deeply philosophical people, perfectly aware that life is constantly fleeting. Poets have been reminding us for centuries: ‘Man is mortal life is only four days’ So why build anything meant to survive longer than that? By that standard, our bridges, statues, and roads are practically immortal.

 

Of course, changing every single name isn’t always practical. There’s always some protest, some paperwork, or some bureaucratic ghost blocking the way. But worry not — innovation is our middle name. Someone discovered a brilliant, cost-free shortcut: when you can’t rename something, just decorate it. Add a ‘Shri’ before it or a ‘sahib/ji’ after it. Instantly more respectable, more patriotic, more Indian. If the name happens to be feminine — no problem! We already have “Shridevi” to set the precedent. Cost effective, elegant, and everlasting. Honestly, can there be a more affordable way to broadcast your public spirit?

 

Shakespeare, poor man, never met we Indians. Had he known Indians, he wouldn’t have written ‘What’s in a name?’ Because here, everything is in name — politics, pride, and a pinch of piety.

 

If I were to introduce myself today, I’d probably say, ‘I’m from New Delhi ji’ I studied in ‘Shri Bangaluru’, lived for a while in Hyderabad ji, then moved to Shri Nasik. My first posting was in Shri Ratlām, later in Kota ji and Shri Bhavnagar, before I finally landed in Shri Jaipur. I even spent years in Mumbai ji, not to mention short stints in Shri Vadodara and Secunderabad ji.

 

So yes, I’m a citizen of a country where bridges crumble but names never die, where respect can be prefixed, reverence can be suffixed, and patriotism comes printed on a signboard. Welcome to the land of eternal makeovers — Shri Bharat Saheb!