satire: Tommy @ Moti! Rise!

 

(A certain province’s leader has just announced that his government is seriously considering a law to prescribe life-imprisonment to dogs indulging in not just barking but biting around unsuspecting passers-by)

 

The great Netaji declared, with his usual chest-thumping confidence, that the dogs in his state had started behaving like… well, dogs — and the people were fed up. He declared it has now become his highest priority to make dogs of his state behave with manners. Henceforth, no Un-sanskari behavior will be tolerated. All canines — bourgeois, proletariat, street-smart, or just simpleton/docile ones — are hereby warned that strict Dog Laws would be enforced. Under the grand BDS (Bhartiya Dog Samhita), any dog found guilty of doggish behavior would face the full might of justice. ‘If any person is bitten by a dog, whoever(dog) abets the commission of such bite, shall be punished with life imprisonment’. Any dog caught involved, abetting or causing man-teasing in our state, Netaji thundered, ‘the dog will face dire consequences!’

 

Naturally, this state proclamation caused massive unrest in dog community. Emergency meetings were called in every alley and backyard. Senior leaders of the KU (Kutta Union) from German Shepherds to Indian stalwarts, gathered for an urgent extra ordinary GBM Sabha. Much barking ensued. Legal experts among them tried to decode the human law jargon, though dogs are no strangers to law — after all, no courtroom in India is complete without a few of their informants in the campus. 

 

The issue was simple, yet tragic. Who bit whom? A dog bit a human. Who will represent the human? A man. Who will judge the case? Again, a man. In short — you are the lawyer, you are the jury, you are the judge. Of course, the verdict will be against us! Whom should we bark our grievances to? Does no one see how humans behave with us?

 

We guard their houses all night, then try to nap in the morning, when suddenly some two-legged creature thinks it’s funny to throw a stone or kick us.” They put teddy-bear lions next to us just to scare us and film our panic for Instagram reels. Do we have a court for this? Can we file a complaint for canine harassment? If yes, where.

 

Picture the courtroom scene:

“Tommy alias Moti — present yourself!”

You wag your tail politely at the judge, showing your best manners. The judge, without even sniffing the evidence, listens to the human side and would declare: Life imprisonment.! No bail, no parole, no second chances. One bite — and you’re in for whole life. Dog justice has turned into dog injustice. It’s like crushing a fly with a road roller.

 

Isn’t there something called a reformatory? How can every case be decided ex parte? Should we start filing caveats all over the courts in the state? Or maybe get a B.A.L.L.B degree — Bark and Learn Law of Biting! But half our lifespan would be spent in law school; when would we ever get to practice?

 

At least fix some standard punishment — not this “one law fits all tails” business! You can’t treat every bite as a national crisis. Humans need some training too. We’ve lived beside you for centuries — your 1st companion in civilization. Guard you, Guide you, Act as therapists, comedians, and sometimes, only friends. But do we get biscuits? Milk? Even a pat on the head? No! Only Rebuke after rebuke, punishment after punishment.

 

At this point, the honorable judge banged his hammer repeatedly, shouting “Order! Order!” Poor Tommy kept barking, trying to drive home his point. As always, nobody listened. His bark still echoes today — the eternal cry for justice. Because, my friend, justice is never as simple as fetching a stick or ball. Generations after generations passes by of both the accused and Me Lord, and still the justice looks elusive and barking-cum-chasing-cum-biting continues unabated.