satire: Home on rail Vs rail in home

 

 

In our country, getting a job in the Railways is not just employment — it’s a lifetime achievement award. Once you’re in the Railways, people say your life is now set on track, and apparently, even your house too.

 

Take, for example, the latest news sensation — a man who didn’t just live near the railway line, he built one into his house. Yes, a real railway track, neatly cemented into his wall. He says, quite innocently, that fifty years ago he bought the piece of rail at an auction and thought, why not make my wall stronger with it? Who needs steel rods when you can have railroad? Sadly, fifty years later, he has no papers to prove this grand engineering marvel.

 

That’s when the police entered the scene — because obviously, when there’s a rail in your wall, national security is at risk. They told him in plain police language that his house will have to be demolished and the track handed back to the Railways. Poor man must have wondered if next they’d start reclaiming the railway cushion covers, bed-sheets and carry bags made of leather look-alike material, steel spoons people keep simply as souvenirs.

 

To be fair, railway property has always had a second life in Indian homes. Who hasn’t seen a railway seat cushion reborn as a living room sofa, or that shiny blue cover turned into a carry bag? Mirrors from train bathrooms, towel hooks, even hand-towel — they’ve all found a retirement plan in people’s homes. Honestly, if railway fans and bulbs could run on household electricity, people might have installed an entire bogie in their living room by now.

 

Still, a railway track in the wall is next-level patriotism. Maybe tomorrow someone will build a whole house out of a train coach. Everything’s ready-made — doors, windows, fans, berths, even the washroom! The government could take inspiration: affordable housing crisis solved — ‘Home on Wheels’

 

Now, what will the Railways do with this man’s track-in-wall ? It’s not as if they can lay train on it. Maybe they’ll file a report saying, ‘Oops, our mistake, it’s not a rail — just a metal rod that looks emotional.” Or they’ll dig up some ancient file claiming, “Ah yes, we auctioned these in 1970s, it’s legit,” and the case will disappear faster than a train on express route.

 

But imagine the danger of setting this precedent. Suppose you’re carrying vegetables from the market in a bag made out of railway seat and a random inspection happens. Boom — you’re a national criminal. Your bag’s confiscated, you’re interrogated, and now you’re explaining to the police how you came into possession of this ‘sensitive railway material’ Did you steal it? Or bought it from a thief? or inherited it as a family heirloom from a proud railway ancestor?

 

Meanwhile, let’s not forget that railway vacant land itself is a hub of human creativity — lined with shops, huts, tea stalls, and wall-side-toilet. Since its birth in 1853, the Indian Railways has been the true nurturer of the poor — giving them jobs, shelter, and sometimes even building material. You could say it’s the only institution that provides both employment and home décor.

 

So, what do you want from the Railways today — a job, a ticket, or a towel? Because one way or other, everyone seems to be expecting to collect en-route a souvenir or two to make his journey worthwhile and memorable.