Once upon a simpler time — when school
assemblies began with prayer to almighty. we had a subject called ‘Religion’ It
gave us a polite summary of the world’s major faiths: who founded them, which
book they swore by, and what moral takeaway they offered. It was like a bouquet
of belief systems — so that you knew basic teachings of the major religions of
the world.
The Time, like Ganga water has flowed
on — now generously seasoned with chemical waste and political flavorings. Lo!
Behold! a university in India has decided to launch a Centre for Hindu Studies.
Not a casual short duration course, mind you — a full-fledged academic empire
with M.A.s, P.G. Diplomas, and Certificate courses in everything from T.M.
(Temple Management) to T.K. (Theory of Kirtan Practice).
This, of course, is curious. For
decades, we’ve been told that Hinduism isn’t a religion but a ‘way of life’
Which raises a simple academic question: Could one get a Master’s degree in a
way of life? What’s next — an M.Sc. in Tooth Brushing Techniques or a PhD in
Procrastination Studies?
The ‘course list’ reads like a
modern-day Rigveda of career opportunities. Postgraduate Diploma in Temple
Management — because small or big, every temple needs an MBA now. M.A. in
Kirtan Shastra— a scholarly dive into the acoustics of devotion. Imagine viva
voce exams that begin with “Sing after me: Govind bolo Hari Gopal bolo.” The
practical, no doubt, will involve Antakshari in the temple courtyard of
devotional songs. Of course, Mumbai offers perfect campus for internships.
There’s a shrine every two blocks, and one can easily major in ‘Incense
Logistics’ or ‘Bell Synchronization Techniques’ Dress code? queries remain
unresolved — do students have to maintain a sacred thread, or will the
administration allow modern haircuts in the pursuit of divine knowledge?
Inclusivity too begs contemplation.
Will these courses be open to all four ‘varnas’? Can international students
apply? Imagine a confused French exchange scholar chanting “Om Namah Shivaya”
with a nasal twang. If the government plays its cards right, we could soon have
Temple Attachés in every Indian embassy — reviving Emperor Ashoka’s PR
strategy, equipped with PPT.
Naturally, fees — or shall we say
‘dakshina’ — will be an important factor. Perhaps students can pay via UPI:
‘OmPay’ accepted here Coursework could include vital modules like Selecting the
Right Flower for the Right Deity (with substitutes for seasonal shortages)
Thali vs Basket: A Comparative Study in Offering Methodology and Crisis
Management: Handling Angry Devotees When Prasad Runs Out.
For a touch of intellectual rigor, one
hopes the syllabus will feature a comparative component — what Jainism says on
the same issue, what the Buddhists counter with, how Parsis shrug politely, and
how Islam stays out of it. But that may be too much to hope for. Far likelier
is the unit titled Why Hinduism is the Oldest, Greatest, and Most Misunderstood
Religion — Discuss in 500 Words.
And since every academic venture needs
future expansion, allow me to humbly suggest a few electives:
Diploma in Puja Ingredients-
Procurement and Inventory Management
Certificate Course like Economics of
Fast
M.A. in Worship Logistics and Temple
Crowd Management
Advance Diploma in Pilgrimage Studies:
Queue Theory at popular temples
Certificate in Dream Interpretation
and Nocturnal creatures/ Superstitions
One wonders, though, about campus
placements. Will recruiters of major Temples line up to hire or poor Post
Graduates would have to roam around the corridors of bureaucracy seeking divine
intervention? Perhaps the government can introduce an Agniveer for them — a
three-year contractual service in national devotion. Until then, the future
looks bright — saffron-tinted, incense-scented, and fully accredited.
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