satire: Teachers ‘On Govt. Duty’ Will Chase Dogs away

   

 

Look, teachers are the backbone of society. They don’t just teach ABCs — they count heads during the census, are on duty in elections, make sure kids get vaccines and polio drops, and practically run and help spread every government mission that exists. The poor teacher is the all-purpose multitool of India. If there’s a job no one else wants, hand it to a teacher.

 

But now, a state government has truly outdone itself. It has given teachers a novel duty: chasing stray dogs away. Yes, apparently after managing naughty children, teachers will now be managing naughty dogs. Someone in the secretariat must’ve thought. Well! they’re great at chasing kids who bunk classes — surely, they can handle a few strays!”

 

In a way, it’s not entirely illogical. Teachers have years of experience dispersing crowds. One school bell and everyone vanishes. Maybe dogs will respond to the same bell! Or the teacher could walk around with a stuffed lion toy, roaring like MGM lion. Either with their own voice or a recorded one. Don’t laugh, I’m only trying to facilitate government’s plan.

 

Perhaps the logic is that if teachers can discipline unruly children, a few street dogs shouldn’t be a problem. Maybe they’ll appoint one of the dogs as class monitor, or punish the rest by making them stand on the footpath holding their ears. Though, come to think of it, you can’t exactly make them “murga” pose (rooster). 

 

The government seems convinced that teachers are a free resource — always available, always obedient, and always broke. Who will explain that not every teacher runs a coaching center on the side? Many actually teach sincerely. And yes, they’ll do this new ‘dog duty’ sincerely too. But what if it becomes a permanent job? New generations of dogs will keep coming! In that case, teachers deserve a ‘Dog Allowance’— plus an officially allotted stick.     

 

Also, let’s clarify the division of labor. Government school teachers will chase local desi dogs, while English-medium teachers will handle foreign breeds — you know, the “Good Doggy, No Doggy, Don’t Do This” type. Because apparently, even dogs understand class differences now. The desi ones will only respond to a good beating — they have bad manners, you see.

 

But dogs, after all, are man’s best friend. They’ll surely understand our helplessness and cooperate in dispersing.  

Long live Teacher-Tommy unity!