satire: Wedding feast delayed, groom ran away

 

In one glorious corner of my incredible India, a wedding went down in history — not for dowry, but due to wedding feast having been delayed. Yes, you heard it right. The groom, along with his entire wedding procession, ran off because the dinner didn’t arrive on time.

 

You must have surely heard of grooms desperate to get married — but this one seemed desperate only for food. Who knows how long he and his hungry troop had been fasting in the fond expectations of sumptuous feast.  They must’ve imagined the wedding would be followed by a royal banquet — a food festival of epic proportion. But when the dinner got delayed, patience ran out faster than the catering service. The groom’s temper and the guests’ hunger combined into one mighty exodus. The bride’s family stood there, plates in hand, mouths open — watching their would-be son-in-law and his gang vanish like a mirage.  

 

Usually, we hear of grooms storming off over dowry disputes — but this one? He revolted for dinner. Maybe that’s why we call him Dulha Raja — the Groom King — because for one day, he expects Royal treatment. And that day, the royal stomach simply refuses to tolerate delays. After all, a HUNGRY Royalty is an ANGRY Royalty.

 

Of course, one can imagine the bride’s family running around, juggling a hundred wedding chores, trying to get everything perfect — and somewhere, the dinner just took longer to arrive. Probably they didn’t realize that the dinner would decide the fate of their daughter’s wedding. Maybe the groom thought, ‘If I’m starving now, what will happen after wedding? Will I even get dinner? Will my wife cook or just post food reels on Instagram?

 

But wait, the plot thickens! It turns out the groom didn’t just return home for sulking in leisure. No, he ran to a relative’s house who lived en-route and married there and then with another girl there! Can you believe that? That man was multitasking his marital plans like an overbooked delivery boy. Honestly, it feels like he must have told that relative, “Keep the kitchen running, I’ll be right back — just have to attend another wedding really quick. Because tell me? — how was a full wedding feast ready there too? Clearly, the dinner wasn’t the only thing preheated; the plan was too.

 

And here I used to think people lived for food and died for food — now apparently, they marry also for food. These days, marriage is linked to food, the way Aadhaar cards are linked to everything — except maybe public toilets (though give it time).

 

In India, when young man says they want to get married, they never say it directly. They just sigh and say, “You know, managing food daily is big hassle. And soon enough, they find a bride — not for love, but for cooking lunch/dinner. Let’s be honest, half the men here get married for two main reasons: one, to have someone cook fresh food for them, and two, to straighten the stray young man. Marriage, in our culture, is basically seen as a Reformatory for Men.

 

But really — if parents couldn’t fix their son in 25 years, how on earth is one poor woman supposed to? And there goes her life, trying to ‘reform’ a man who just ran off because his dinner came late.

 

So yes, my dear readers, this is the story of a wedding where love didn’t flee — the food did. And with it went the groom along with the wedding party. In India a delayed food can flatten plans of an entire wedding.