Ravi ki duniya

Ravi ki duniya

Thursday, January 7, 2010


For the uninitiated, Spot is the American President’s doggy. But he isn’t living a dog’s life, far from that, he is leading a life leave alone Indian dogs, most Indian men would envy. The news of Spot’s proposed visit to India was occupying English and vernacular dailies for sometime now. Mr. Spot had been briefed about the blatant violation of Dog Rights in Asian countries, particularly in India. The societies and NGOs purporting to be working in the interest of Dogs were not getting their share of booty in so far as they were not even included in delegations to European countries. Leaders who were so very obsessed with the welfare of dogs were not given proper berth in the cabinet and were left to fend for themselves. So when their leaders are leading dog’s life, you can imagine the plight of the led. These self styled champions of the dog’s rights were not even given proper prime time slots on various TV. Channels….In such a scenario, America’s concern were but natural. Therefore, it was decided to have a summit meet in India. For the peace and prosperity among Indian dogs it was necessary to decide about the modalities of grants-in-aid, easy loans, exchange programs and similar monetary and other ‘doggeterian’ packages. Mr. Spot was perturbed to note that leave alone membership of kennel clubs and discos, in India, puppies don’t get to have air-conditioned home,car,milk,fruits,biscuits,vitamins,pizza,burger,mutton,tonics etc. Mortality rate is so high that a large percentage of poor puppies die prematurely every year before attaining adulthood, that too of starvation and skin diseases. The concept of life saving drugs simply didn’t exist. Mr. Spot was aghast to know that most Indians want to become doctors of men, for which they are prepared to give underhand capitation fee or donations. When they fail to secure admission in M.B.B.S. course they want to pursue B.D.S. that too of human denture. Those who are unfortunate enough in not being able to procure a seat in either of these courses, go to become Veterinary doctor…simply as a last resort.

The itinerary was given final touch and a press briefing was organized in Washington D.C. Mr. Spot’s desire to familiarize him with ground realities were made public. In India journalists and channels were giving special report highlighting the priority Mr. Spot puts to Dog Welfare world over in general and India in particular. Retired diplomats gave vent to their views. Except opposition everyone warmly welcomed the intended visit. Some went on record calling it a beginning of New Era in Indo-American co-operation. Official communiqué from Moscow said it was a new chapter in the World peace. Russia didn’t forget to remind the world that it was they who first thought of empowering this proletariat class by deputing a she-dog ‘Laika ‘to their spaceship. This was a symbolic gesture to make a statement to the world especially to the Capitalist nations that how much the Socialist Russian state cared for the upliftment of dogs world over. To each (dog) as per his need, bow…bow.

The advance party had landed in India well before the impending visit. They were sniffing around entire route and other related places where Mr. Spot was likely to pay a visit. Checking and rechecking they wanted to get themselves totally reassured that Security Book was followed strictly in letter and spirit.  Indian government was as confused as ever…who will receive Mr. Spot at the ramp. As usual Protocol itself was a big headache for them. The dogs having good command over American English were not pure breed Indians. They were either migrants or cross-breed. Therefore, Alsatian, Bulldog, Shepherd, Poodle, Terrier and Doberman were simply ruled out. After much debate it was resolved that these elites will be invited in the sate banquet. A thorough search for an Indian dog took the Ministry officials to every nook, corner and lamp post but they learnt that all the ‘bloody’ Indian dogs have been driven to countryside where they   and their offspring have been condemned to lead sub-dog life. However, at last their combing succeeded and they could find an Indian dog Moti in a suburban slum of Delhi. Moti was administered sauna bath and after few visits to beauty parlor, facial, manicure, pedicure done, he was readied to receive Mr. Spot at the airport. On the D. Day (this is no dog’s day) he was chauffeur driven to the International airport in a state limousine. He was briefed several times over, I n advance, to shut his trap and not to indulge in useless barking. Bark when absolutely necessary .This is question of the prestige of the whole nation. Moti belonged to that generation of Indian dogs who turn emotional when nation’s reputation is at stake.

As soon as Mr. Spot landed, Moti warmly wagged his tail and forgetting all protocol briefing started sniffing here and there. En route, exchanging pleasantries, Moti kept repeating tutored sentences. “Its very warm out here” Mr. Spot said. “Oh yeah yeah” Moti agreed. Spot said “I love India” Moti felt visibly grateful and couldn’t say in gratitude more than “Thank you…thank you.”

Before the state banquet many agreements, MOUs and treaties were to be signed Moti hadn’t the faintest inkling as to the technicalities of it all nor did he have the basic general knowledge as to how much kickback commission is involved in each signature. All this nitty-gritty was left to specialists to work on. Moti felt all the more out of place and sad at the humiliation when he was instructed to excuse himself from the State Banquet. Reason …he can’t speak in English; he lacks table manners so much so he doesn’t even know how to hold knife and fork. A municipality lorry dropped Moti back in his slum dwelling. Mr. Spot was informed about Shri Moti being indisposed. On his behalf instead Mr. Alsatian who looks American, thinks American and swears by America will be on the negotiating table to initiate and bark out the decisions. Hiding his happiness, Mr. Spot said “Oh! I am so sorry to hear this”.

So friends! In Mera Bharat Mahan ever since, decisions affecting all Motis are taken by Mr. Alsatian.

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