MISS PATPARGANJ

Since the times Sush and Ash have brought laurels to India, every town, every village is buzzing with beauty contests. I know of a detailed plan prepared jointly by a leading cold drink and cold cream company. According to this scheme, by the turn of the century every colony will have its own beauty queen to be proud of. People will introduce with pleasure - 'Meet Miss R.K. Puram', so and so function was inaugurated by Miss Sadar Bazar. The grand finale of these contests is proposed to be organized at national level on the birthday of some most distinguished ex-beauty queen. The day will eventually be declared as Beauty Day. You have days for celebrating almost every thing under the sun - environment to AIDS so why not Beauty Day. We are looking forward when under international lobbying through World Bank our government will declare gazetted holiday on Beauty Day. My country has a long standing tradition of Satyam Shivam Sundaram - Truth is divine and divine is beautiful. As in other areas my country needs to be shaken up from her deep slumber and reminded of its tradition of Apsaras and Menakas. Beauty needs to be acknowledged at national level. Rest of the battle will be fought by groups purported to have been working towards women empowerment.

You will be pleased to know that weekly pavement (make-shift) market - BUDH BAZAR is sponsoring a beauty contest where beauties of trans-Yamuna will compete for the title of Miss Patparganj. Budh Bazar has done trans Yamuna proud. Time has come when rest of the Delhi be told in unequivocal terms that East Delhi is East Delhi. Now we too enjoy eating hotdog and pizza. We are one up. We have lot of Yamuna residual trash for mosquitoes to feed on and thrive. Gone are the days when you would go for a stroll to C.P. and consider yourself hap. Now we too go to S.P. got it! Shakar Pur.

While everyone is demanding a separate state, we Trans-Yamunaites (TJs) should also have our own politicians, slums, scams, coffee homes and vice homes. You just watch and see. India was known as Jewel of the East, similarly, East Delhi will be the Jewel of Delhi. People will name drop, I live in G.K. (Gokul Puri - Kalyanpuri). For all this TJs will have to slog hard. Cant' achieve a thing sitting idle. We have to develop our own trendy shopping centers for unemployed youth to engage full time in bird watching and eve teasing. Victims of fifth pay commission to do what they can best afford - window shopping. We have to evolve our own crimes, criminals and prisons. We can't be happy by just one Vikas Marg. We have to do still lot of vikas (development) We can name our jail after first prisoner or better still after some dacoit - turned - minister. Remember that popular dialogue of a hit Hindi film where gangster who had made it big asked his police inspector brother "I have bungalow, buildings, cars, wealth, servants what have you" Inspector brother informed "I have mother". So if Delhites living on other side of Yamuna boast of five star hotels, disco and skyscrapers, let us tell them "we have Mother Dairy".

I appeal to politicians and actor-actresses to build their love nests in trans-Yamuna. It will add fizz to hitherto glamour starved trans-Yamuna. So far we have only low middle service class, B grade politicians, retired babus posing as ex-officers and journalists who could not make it to Gulmohar Park. We know during British times capital was shifted to Simla during Summers. Similarly, I appeal to very few leaders left of British vintage to shift the capital to Trilokpuri. Let the residents, diplomats included, shift from Chankyapuri to Himmatpuri. Prime Minister with his Khichri (coalition) government should visit Khichripur. We also request an international airport in trans-Yamuna, other things such as better roads, sodium street lights, robbery, greenery, smuggling etc.. will follow. Next will be chopper service, imagine pilot inviting passengers reeling out stop overs like private bus conductor Chopper will do sorties during peak office hours. Government of various countries can be requested to open their chancery, Consulates in trans-Yamuna.

NOIDA and hordes of housing societies have added lot of life and color in the area to the delight of robbers, extortionists and boozers (UP. border) T.J is swarmed with Vihars. If an address has 'Vihar' in it, chances are it would presumed to be in T.J. (poor Vasant Viharis). However, you can not find your way to a Vihar without getting lost in few other Vihars.

 We want our own universities also. We don't want our unemployed youth to hail from alien universities. We want our Mandi House like House too, where struggling artistes and intellectuals can endlessly brood and sulk over art, culture and literature scene in the world/India. The day of glory is not far, when looking at us people of Lutyen's Delhi would sigh in envy and snobbishly name drop that they were actually living in T.J.