AN OPEN LETTER TO THIRU VEERAPPAN*

Thiru Veerappan ji

                              Vanakkam !

How is everything in the wild? Hope not in wilderness. I am so very glad since the day you have come to occupy the headlines of all the news channels and newspapers. It is sweet fragrance of sandal all around. You have made impossible the possible. Karnataka is doing ‘nataka’ to nab you. You, like modern day Robin Hood is giving them a slip every time with childlike ease. I know you are well covered under the green cover, See! The benefits of ‘Grow more trees’ campaign. Forest is your fun-park, you are so much like our own Lord Krishna. The devotees neither could understand Lord Krishna’s frolics nor can they comprehend your pranks. They are trying till date to see Krishna’s frolics in right perspective by reciting Krishan-kathas here and there. Similarly, generations to come will recite and re-enact your bravados in the form of ballads, operas, cinema and songs. You will become hero of our folklores.

I hear Tamilnadu is also trying to nab you and is publicizing its intentions to do so, so that you are kept well informed before hand. Don’t you bother, they won’t be able to reach anywhere near your moustache. What moustache brother. I don’t remember any great man be it warrior, emperor or statesman nurturing such glorious, curly, handlebar moustache in world history, leave alone Indian history. It is just a matter of time before Guinness record book hears of this. The amount of funds siphoned off from state treasury in the name of rounding you off would have sufficed rural electrification of each and every village of Karnataka, forest included.

I am certain you must have heard the fable of stupid cats and a wise monkey, we all came to know during our childhood and forgot during our adulthood. But you have imbibed it in letter and spirit. That is how between Karnataka and Tamilnadu you are the wise monkey taking away lion’s share.

These are the times of globalization. I seriously feel it is high time you got registered   Veerappan brand trade mark. Let the market be flooded with Veerappan brand binoculars, moustache, veeru rifle, veeru cassettes,veeru wrist watches, veeru compass, veeru pan masala, veeru walkie-talkie, veeru walker whisky etc. I am not aware whether you enjoy your chhota peg in the evening but how does it matter. Our cine stars go around modeling for so many such items, they seldom use.

Perhaps this is the time you ought to openly come out. You have arrived. Let the world know. First get a khadi dhoti-kurta. It is a compulsory item. Bare-bodied, one can indulge in modeling not in politics. The old man Gandhi ji is long forgotten in India and new Gandhis have forgotten India. This reminds me, you can do modeling ads for some mosquito repellant cream. These do-nothing, amateurish photo journalists haven’t got your full length photograph as yet. That would have helped us know what brand of trousers, shirts you put on. Do you also go for ‘Buy one get one free’ schemes or is it ‘one free and all others free too’. The world is eager to know which make of bike you rely on during your various escapades. Which mobile phone you subscribe to. Which mineral water you endorse. Which is your favorite food, Thai, Italian, Sri Lankan or simply Chinese. Which joint you patronize. I suggest you get your portfolio made and appoint a secretary-cum-PRO, How about some retired cop? Then get your net worth assessed all over again.

So decide fast. It is going to be ‘from wood to bollywood’ or better still ‘sandal to sansad’. The attributes required for both these fields are identical, not much of a difference. In case it is Bollywood, you would be launched as Veeru--- the actor, director, producer, writer, villain all in one. Veeru presents Veerappan International’s  ‘Chandan ka taskar’  ‘Jungle mein chandan’  ‘Chandan meri baahon mein’  ‘Hathi ka hatyara kaun’  ‘Do ankhein barah daant’. I am confident these movies shall outrun all other movies, leaving box-office overflowing.

In case you decide to join politics? O boy!  The going would be smooth all the way. You will find there is no need to fell trees; you will make a fortune in government funded tree plantation projects. I can visualize Anna Veerappan as hon’ble Forest Minister. None would dare ever cast an evil eye on forests. Anyone not looking after trees properly his teeth should be broken there and then. Needless to say, with your kind of experience and expertise not a difficult task. Then you see, forest to forest ,in no time, your name would be adored, respected and feared. When you are hon’ble Minister of forest none would dare hide in forest. You would catch him as easily as kids do it in ‘hide n seek’. It will be a great fun. Your cabinet rank is certain. Forest Minister with additional charge of Animal Welfare.

I hope you would take my suggestions seriously. Please do provide me an opportunity to serve you better, how about as an OSD (On Sandal Duty)

                                                          Namaskara ! Anna !

P.S.    As is customary, I am leaking a copy of this letter to the press. Please Do not mind.

* it was written while Veerappan was still alive and kicking.