LOOKING FOR AN ISSUE

The future is quite promising for the illiterates in our country for just look at these legislators, ministers, chief ministers and you would know what I mean. Other day I asked an upcoming small time politician the reason for his remaining uneducated, he promptly replied with all seriousness how he was all along preoccupied with the freedom struggle and later with the development of nation, he could never find time for his own educational development. He had always put mother land above petty considerations like self literacy. However, he insisted he was a self-taught man - whatever that means.  

All successful people and of late even not so successful ones have acquired skill of attributing their failure in learning three Rs to lofty ideals such as service to the nation, upliftment of untouchables and rural development. It has now become fashionable among successful men to remain uneducated, better still to be a drop out. This gives them enough snacks for thought from cocktail circuit to election campaign. People simply hold you in awe, if he can become great without having to go to school leave alone university - why the hell we slogged for obtaining degrees - of what use. 

The solution of great problems, answer of complicated questions and above all these inventions and discoveries all germinated in man's mind first as a tiny idea, a simple thought. Problems are seemingly simple, initially, but are not attended to till they gain status of a national / international issue. It becomes prestigious to identify at that stage. You become as famous as the issue itself and often, if cleverly tackled, you can outshine the issue, you stood for, you can systematically go about the issue such as organizing seminar, raising it in legislature, parliamentary committees. Make the issue so prominent that its handling would require an office, staff, deputations, foreign tours to make a comparative analysis for example how the habits and habitat of Indian rats differ from their counterpart in Australia.

Drought relief, flood relief, woman's lib, rehabilitation of orphans and widows these issues have become outdated. Not that there is any relief from recurring drought or women have been liberated except perhaps the ones into modeling and beauty contests. These issues are no longer discussed, therefore, no longer respected in societal and governmental sector.

However, there is no dearth of issues today. Look around you will find several. You can pick as per your capacity, ambition and geographical conditions. Here is a sample list of one dozen such issues. Like ready - to - eat fast food these are ready-to-raise hot issues. Have your pick and rest not till you achieve your goal be it membership of assembly, parliament, an award or an invitation to lecture series in a foreign university.

Grow More Trees : It is an evergreen issue. Trees are never sufficient, thanks to illegal felling. You may also choose to launch a movement to save some endangered variety of trees.

Grow Mangoes : After all mango is the king of fruits. First it should be subsidized by government and complete embargo on its export be imposed so that it is available to poor and affluent alike. No sooner you raise this issue you will find mango exporters lobby at your doorstep. They would be wise enough to take the hint and read embargo backward.

  

Save Archaeological Ruins : Save Taj Mahal is a bourgeois concept. These ruins are the real treasure of our nation. Make out a list of ruins in your city and state. Launch a campaign to safeguard them from unscrupulous and anti-social elements. Don't tell me you have any shortage of these elements in your city/state.

  

Bathe a Buffalo : An unclean buffalo creates unclean surroundings (vice versa too) how can noble thoughts enter your mind if you consume milk of an unclean buffalo. Collect some data to prove how I.Q. of those who drink milk off clean buffalo is higher. This will make the parents of school students panicky and they would lend support to your issue. Agitate before corporation office for sufficient water supply at reduced rates to bathe buffaloes or else threaten to stop milk supply in the city. In two days flat you will be milking all the three - government, dairy owners and buffaloes.

Save Elephant : From ants, circus owners and Veerappan. Organize elephant festivals for focus precaution - please see that affair is not turned into a white elephant.

Save Maids : From the wrath of Lady of the House and overtures of Man of the House.
Wear Cotton Only : A soft alternative to Gandhism. You too will have to wear only cotton. Look for sponsors from cotton farmers, textile kings. Link it with love for nation, remember pressure cooker linked with love for wife. Catch hold of polyester/synthetic rags and bonfire them before photo journalists.

Save Childhood : From ever scolding parents, insensitive (blood thirsty) teachers and from ominous influence of TV. on their tender mind.

   

Save Parents : From devil incarnate children of today, from Principal and tutors and lastly from dowry.

Each One (Man) Teach One (Dog) : Man's oldest and most loyal friend has lost his status to electronic burglar devices. There is a dire need to train him. Dog teasing should be made a cognizable offence. Dog beaters should be arrested and tried under the Act similar to TADA. There should be more and more dog shows, better still every beauty pageant should be compulsorily preceded by a dog show.

Save Ozone Layer : Honestly speaking I don't really know much about it. I hear ozone layer is in thing these days to talk about.

Ban Beauty Contests : This is an insult to woman, particularly the ones not endowed with the mandatory vital statistics. Rope in an ex beauty queen who could issue an appeal in press seeking ban on this form of outrage of woman's modesty. She can threaten to disclose names of bigwigs who exploited her.

So act fast and choose an issue of your liking. For more details send a self addressed envelope with ten thousand rupees towards my fee. I beg your pardon, did you say you want to raise the issue of exemption from exorbitant fees, so my article is already working on you.   

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